I'm not going to sugar coat it for you, he's just not that in to you.

I'm taking care of some work at home with Sex and the City reruns on TBS in the background. The episode "Pick a little, talk a little" from seaon six is on and Ron Livingston just dropped some fabulous quotes.

Miranda was rehashing a date she went on where he dropped her off, they kissed, she invited him up, he said no ("he had an early meeting") they kissed again and then he took off. The girls were saying things like "two kisses, that's promising." When good old Ron (I still can't watch him without thinking about Office Space) broke the bad news.

He's just not that into you.

Ron dropped the bad news that there are no extenuating circumstances when you invite the guy up. Tired? Early start the next day? Have the flu? Broken leg? If you're into her it doesn't matter. All obstacles that can be dealt with. If she invites you up, you make it happen.

The girls reeled! Thinking of all the mixed messages they'd received and tried to decipher over the years. Ron just said "nope, sorry, he's just not that into you." If he's really into you, there are no mixed messages. I thought that was very insightful.

There are lots of notes though:
1 - Just because he's not that into you now doesn't mean that's the way it will be forever. Sometimes it takes a little time to really fall for someone (think back, have you ever fallen for someone over time, same deal.)

2 - There are a few exceptions of things you just can't make work. The show brought up diarrhea, I'm not thinking of others off the top of my head but I'm sure they're out there.

3 - While I stand my ground that there will be no mixed messages in this case, I make no guarantees of what will actually happen when you get upstairs (translation: you may not be getting any.) Believe it or not, many men, including myself, feel it is wise to have the physical and emotional pieces of a relationship progress at a similar pace - without one jumping in front of the other.

4 - Occasionnally you'll find some mixed messages in the initial times or in the process of planning dates. This is mostly an attempt to not seem over eager (see Swingers or The Tao of Steve for more on this.) But once you're on the date, you've kissed, and you invite him inside - all that goes right out the window.

5 - This stuff only applies at the start. Once you've passed through those early stages (read: done it a few times) the rules change. Excuses may crop up. Don't worry about this so much - it's just a natural biproduct of the male focus on conquest.

6 - This whole thing reminded me that my friend Kim recently read and recommended the book He's Just Not That Into You which was conveniently written by an Executive Story Editor of... Sex and the City. Turns out according to the Amazon editorial review, the book was based on and extended from this episode. I now have to add it to my to read list.

Still want more?
Read the Archives!