You screw up one more time and you're finished.

I let Netflix guide me down the long tail today and watched a Hong Kong action movie called The Tube. Unfortunately this wasn't the best of trips down the long tail (if you don't know what the long tail is I highly recommend you read that article, it's super interesting.)

Unfortunately for me this trip down the long tail didn't turn out so good. But before I explain I have to talk about my theory that porn and Hong Kong action movies are essentially the same. See, porn movies are essentially an excuse to watch people have sex - and Hong Kong action movies are just an excuse to watch people beat each other up (or in a similar genre, shoot each other.) All that plot and dialog and character development (which is always sub par) is just there to set up situations for the action. Since the action is the whole point, and everything else is typically unorginal and of questionable quality, the only way to judge these movies in on the quality and quantity of the action sequences.

The Tube's action sequences were pretty sucky. They had the whole named character vs unnamed character convention going strong [1] but the namesd charcaters didn't do anything smart. The whole thing was bad news from the start. In the openning sequence some bad guys shot their way though an entire police force without doing anything other then standing out in the open in shooting at them. No smart tactics, no hiding, no clever gimmicks, nothing. That proved to be typical, although in the spirit of full disclosure I didn't make it to the ending action sequences. After several crappy ones I figure they aren't going to suddenly just get better.

Hopefully the next trip down the long tail will be a better one.

Notes:
1. The theory is movies have named characters and unnamed characters. If the guy isn't important enough to get a name then he's a flunky and is easily disposed by named characters. Unnamed characters always miss named characters and named characters have no trouble hitting unnamed characters - even with impossible shots or techniques.

But when two named characters fight all of a sudden their aim isn't so perfect. They start missing a shot they had no trouble with before. It's as if the named charcater has an aura that just makes him harder to hit. Next time you're watching an action movie, think about it in these terms - it holds up surprisingly well for all action movies.

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